About me

One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted.  Do it now.

~ Paulo Coelho, 1947-

Hello.

My name is Dee and I’m a transplanted Texan living in London (England!) for 20 plus years. I love this wonderful, city and was enjoying it when…

B-O-O-M! Hodgkin’s Lymphoma 4b. It took me a while to marry that up: Hodgkin Lymphoma = CANCER. To me, Hodgkin’s was an imaginary disease mentioned with a sharp intake of breath during CSI New York. 

The start of this gig was close but I am still here. The following years have been a loop of treatment, remission, treatment, recovery, relapse, treatment, remission, treatment, remission, recovery, relapse and so on. It feels like I’ve had every scan, prod, poke and chemo possible. But there’s more to come. 

I feel a desperate sense of time running out. Recently, while debating bucket lists (pro or con?), I realised that there was something I forgot to do. Write. Not for fame but because I love words, and combinations of words, and stories that make you laugh and weep and feel. It’s sad that it took this ever-threatening disease to remind me of my passion.

I called the site It will or it won’t… because I came to understand how much of this journey is beyond my control. Treatment will work, or it won’t. I will live, or I won’t. I have limited influence on either outcome. It’s uncomfortable and painful but nonetheless true.

Along the way, I also learned not to look too far ahead. That what matters is today.

I learned to do things now.

And I started this blog. It’s about life, living, Hodgkin’s lymphoma and whatever else takes my fancy.

Thank you for reading.

35 Comments

  1. Tammi Kale

    I have read literally thousands of blog posts in the past year. This is the first of this kind that I’ve came across. You have literally stopped me in my tracks. And I would be willing to bet there are many more people reading your blog than those who click ‘like’. I found it very hard myself to ‘like’ your posts. This is not a ‘like’ I would wish on anyone, only something I’d expect to hear, as you’ve said, on ‘Grey’s Anatomy.’ I don’t know where you stand on prayer, but regardless, I will be praying for you – and I don’t say those words lightly. Please find some small comfort here blogging as you write a legacy that will or won’t take years to complete. I pray for a miracle for you and for you to have strength and comfort in each and every day.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. d

      Thank you, Tammi, for such kind words and generous thoughts. I am sincerely touched. I enjoyed reading your blog as well. Thank you for the follow. Dee

      Like

  2. thecoffeebeanbrain

    I am glad I found your blog. I am new to the blogging journey and has been overwhelmed with the many wonderful souls I have the chance to see through their writing. But yours is equally beautiful if not genuine. You have my prayers and thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. writingandalcohol

    Hi Dee. Thank you for dropping by at an article I made for Millionaires Digest. I see from your about page that you have a very sensible view on what you are going through. I am one with you. Yes, it may will or it may won’t, and there are things in life that is beyond our control. What we can only do is live this day to the max the most we can! Writing where it hurts is a part of healing.
    Have a great day 🙂
    Aui

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Tony

    HI, Dee! Thanks for stopping by my blog and liking my post on music easing some cancer patients’ symptoms. Very sorry to learn of your experience with the big C. Having had several cases of skin cancer, I realize that is small potatoes to what you have gone through. Congratulations on your courage and positive outlook. I think your blog will be a wonderful tool for you mentally as well as physiologically. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dee

      Thank you Tony, I appreciate your feedback. I think many to the creative arts can help people cope. Music, art, photography, crafts, and writing can provide an outlet to express the pain and fear the C brings to our lives. Best wishes. Dee

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Belle Papillon 24/7

    Hi Dee. I can already see that I would love to follow you in your journey… and in this journey I will be praying for you constantly. Be strong… keep the faith. My dad had stage 3/4 CA in his 40’s and won (he’s in his 70’s now) and my mom had CA in her early 50’s but lost the battle after a couple of years.

    I feel that I was given a new lease in life last year and I would like to use whatever is left of it to go Carpe Dieming and make it mean something not just for me but for every person that I connect with. We are not promised tomorrow. When my mom asked me how long she has left to live, I told her “it doesn’t matter… what matters is the here and now because if you think about it I could step out of the hospital and get hit by a bus and die. I know it sounds morbid but you’d still live longer than me and whatever the Dr. says doesn’t matter coz they’re not God.” That made her laugh and say, “You’re crazy!”. Am I not? LOL

    Namaste!
    ❤ BP

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ellen Hawley

    When I taught fiction writing, I’d often find myself talking about putting the characters, or the writing itself, under pressure to make it matter. In fiction, that’s free. What you’re talking about, though, is the real thing. Hats off to you for facing it head on and writing about it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dee

      Thanks Helen, I wish it were fiction. Part of my motivation is to get it out, relieve my pain and somehow make it less omnipotent. Part is to demystify and leave a record for others. And part of it is to simply say ‘I was here.’ In any case it will give me something productive to do during my months of hospital isolation. Thanks for reading.

      Like

  7. Lisa Burbank

    Hello, Dee…so many have already commented what I want to say but I am going to say it anyway. Your blog stopped me in my tracks. Not only for the subject matter, though that is poignant enough, but for the stark eloquence with which you’ve delivered it. I can’t imagine what is happening inside, in your life–it’s one of those dreaded diagnoses that we all shy away from. My prayers go with you! And, no matter where we are in life, it is never too late to indulge your passions; such a legacy is right on time. May God bless you & keep you!

    Liked by 1 person

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