Why put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely?
I’m feeling lazy this weekend. Perhaps lazy isn’t the right word because I want to do some things and not others. I do not want to tackle the briefcase full of work, cleaning, laundry and cooking. No, procrastination is the flavour of my day.
What I do want to do is sit around reading and organising my writing. Playing on the computer is one of my favourite procrastination tactics and Scrivener has arrived. I
wasted devoted many hours to moving my blog & other content into the program. I’m now having a great deal fun imagining how useful it will be — once I figure out how to use it.
I tried my regular tactic of list-making to get motivated to do my chores. I even added a completed job just to have the satisfaction of crossing it out. While it didn’t inspire me to get moving, preparing the list was enjoyable.
I’m now using my tried-and-tested 30:60 approach. Set an alarm for 30 minutes and do chores, then set it for 60 and do fun stuff. It’s working, temporarily, but before long selective hearing will set in and that get to work alarm
gets ignored goes unheard.
All the cleaning, reading, writing and cooking are tactics to evade the one thing I do not wish to do – think about going through a difficult allograft transplant and it not going my way. The term yikes in the Dr Google post was not an exaggeration. I planned as much as I could on getting myself through treatment, recovery and onto rebuilding my life and career. But I now understand the medical variables involved and the uncertainty of the outcome. If that’s the route I will need to make some early decisions of the get my house in order ilk. But I don’t want to think about it and spent the entire weekend avoiding doing just that – including taking on a huge pile of ironing (and for me that’s desperate). Still, decisions will need to be made soon but I don’t know how to plan for my death.
Otherwise, limbo continues while they wait for the PET result and do what needs to be done on the donor front. Brentuximab continues to be reasonably gentle with only a few annoyances. Neuropathy has arrived, leading to discomfort, pain and clumsiness. It’s bearable but getting worse with each cycle. Otherwise, Brent-4 went smooth. Numbed fingers crossed the PET results go my way so that the vampires can start making plans. There are so many views and variables that it’s hard to keep up.
Oops! My get to work alarm beeped half an hour ago. Time to chase dust bunnies.